


Don't you want the way I feel for you

by anisstaranise



Category: Glee
Genre: Alternate Universe - Childhood Friends, Living next door, M/M, Star Gazing
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-04-09
Updated: 2016-04-09
Packaged: 2018-06-01 04:37:41
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,306
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6501118
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/anisstaranise/pseuds/anisstaranise
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Somewhere between the six summers they had spent together, he had started to harbour a crush on Sebastian</p>
            </blockquote>





	Don't you want the way I feel for you

**Author's Note:**

> For _Anon_ who prompted _#5: "Are you drunk?"_ from [this](http://anisstaranise.tumblr.com/post/140972524830/send-me-two-or-more-characters-and-a-number-and) list.
> 
> Inspired by a scene from **Supergirl**.
> 
> Title from **Darren Criss** ' _"Don't You"_.

The summer breeze drifts through his open window, blowing away some of the heat swirling in his room. From his bay window seat, he looks out into the distance, the sky above a canvas of black dotted with glittering stars. The moon hangs majestically amongst its court of constellations, bathing the balmy night in its silver glow. Beautiful night, he thinks.

A movement from across his window steals his attention away from the night sky. A smile creeps on his lips as he watches long streaks of shadows fall on the flat roof below a window on the second floor of the house adjacent to his. He prides in thinking that even in a world of darkness, he’d know those streak of shadows:

Sebastian Smythe, the boy next door.

The day his family had moved in next to the Smythes was one of the pivotal moments that had changed his life. It had never been easy for him to make friends before and trying to befriend Sebastian hadn’t been an exception. But where others had been impatient with his shyness, Sebastian had taken the time to get to know him beyond his name.

“So, Blaine Anderson-” Sebastian had said the summer he had moved in next door.  “-what video games do you play?”

“Don’t have a console,” he had mumbled, eyes staring at his shoe that was scraping the Smythe’s driveway.

“What about sports?” Sebastian had asked as he dribbled the basketball he had been holding. “You shoot hoops?”

He had merely shaken his head, resentment rising at being made to “ _go play with nice boy next door_ ” by his mother as he watched the other boy launch the ball into the basket above the garage door. Interacting with anyone in general had been difficult for him- painful even- and it hadn’t helped that Sebastian’s questions felt like an interrogation.

But then, Sebastian had asked a rare question:

“So, what do _you_ like?”

He had felt himself perk up at the question, eager to finally be able to talk about _his_ interests to for a change. Alas, his shyness had weighed his tongue down and he had stood rooted like a statue, silent. But Sebastian had been patient, simply spinning the basketball on his index finger as he waited for his answer.

Moments had passed before he managed to gather his courage and speak.

“Ilikestars,” he had mumbled, rushing through his confession.

“What?”

“I like- stars,” he had said again, calmer that time.

“Stars?” Sebastian had asked, a wide smile on his face.

He had felt his face grow hot, heart pounding against his ribs; Sebastian was going to make fun of him, he was sure of it. _Stars, what a lame, geeky thing to be interested in_ , he had heard time and time again. So, he had closed his eyes against the angry tears that had started to form and braced for the insults.

“Cool-”

He had opened his eyes in surprise. _Cool_?

“- do you have a favourite constellation?” Sebastian had asked.

It was then that he realized Sebastian was still smiling that wide smile but there was nothing menacing about it. Instead, the smile was eager and giddy, like Sebastian had been dying to talk about stars the way he had been.

“ _Orion_ ,” he had answered sheepishly.

“Winter stars. Cool. I love all the circumpolar constellations. Mostly because they stay in the sky and they’re reliable and I can take out my telescope whenever I feel like it and I know I can find them there-”

Sebastian had prattled on and on. He could hardly believe his ears then; Sebastian liked the stars, too.

And that day had been the start of their friendship, forged by their shared love of all things astronomy.

At school, they had occupied different areas of the social sphere. It wasn’t that Sebastian had been _too cool_ to hang out with him but middle school was a daunting place especially for someone as shy as him; Sebastian had merely given him the space to acclimate to his new surroundings at his own pace. Apart from the occasional head nod or _Hey_ when passing one another in the hallways, they would hardly enter each other’s orbits.

But when the day was done, they had spent most of their time together on the flat roof outside of Sebastian’s window, happy in the space of their own making. There, they were the best of friends.

Countless nights had been spent that roof, nerd-talking about the latest and coolest telescope that Sebastian owned and taking turns looking through the eyepiece, trying to outdo one another in spotting _Auriga_ or _Cepheus_.

Some nights were spent lying on the worn black and red checked blanket, gazing up at the night sky and just... talked. Sebastian had a way of chasing away his shyness and loosened his tongue. Under the twinkling stars, they would talk of the mythological tales behind the names of constellations and of wishing on falling stars.

Another gust of breeze blows through his room, gracefully ruffling the sheer curtains. He closes the book he had been reading for the past hour- tales of an abnormally observant detective in Victorian London- and throws it on his bed where it lands with a muffled thud. Out the window, he sees his friend climb onto the roof, black and red blanket tucked under his arm. He doesn’t think twice before he’s flying down the stairs, plants a kiss to his mother’s cheek as she reminded him that dinner’s almost ready and not to be home too late and trots out the kitchen door.

He runs his fingers through his breeze-ruffled hair as he crosses the backyard. His heart hammers rapidly in his chest as he silently slips through a loose panelling of the wooden fencing that separates the Andersons and the Smythes’ yards, the way he and Sebastian had done since they were eleven. His heart has a tendency of doing that lately, running amok at the thought of just being with Sebastian. Somewhere between the six summers they had spent together, he had started to harbour a crush on Sebastian.

For the longest time, Sebastian had been his only friend. So at first, he had attributed the crush to the fact that he spent most of his time with Sebastian. Puppy love, his mother had called it, something she said he would outgrow.

Now at seventeen, his pool of friends had grown in number as he outgrew his awkward shyness. But his feelings for Sebastian- that anxious/excited sensation that coursed through him every time they were together, the way his palms would get sweaty in anticipation of spending another night watching the stars on the roof together- he never did outgrow them.

If anything, it had only intensified with time; that was when he knew his crush on Sebastian had manifested into something else, something a lot like love. But he had never acted on his feelings; perhaps he hadn’t truly outgrown his shyness after all. And it hadn’t helped that Sebastian was in a relationship with Adam; smart, witty, ridiculously handsome Adam.

He ascends the trellis by the side of the Smythe home; a makeshift ladder he had so often used to climb up to Sebastian’s roof. His steps are cautious, mindful not to ruin Mrs. Smythe’s beautiful purple clematis that winds around the wooden framework.

When he reaches the top, he sees Sebastian already seated on the worn checked blanket, head titled to the sky and drinking in the night. At the sight of his friend, his heart races faster, an electricity burning in his veins just as the stars burn above, lightyears away.

“Hey,” he greets, finding his place next to Sebastian.

“Hey,” comes Sebastian’s reply as he nurses a bottle of cold beer and hands one to him.

It’s not unusual for Sebastian to sneak a bottle of brew or two; his parents had always expressed their preference that if they were to drink, they’d do it at home. What’s unusual is the sad tone that accompanied his reply.

He nurses his own bottle, his eyes regarding his friend carefully before he gazes upwards, mimicking Sebastian.

For a long moment neither of them utter a word. He listens intently to the sounds of the night- the whisper of the breeze, the symphony of cicadas- as his eyes play connect-the-dots with the stars, forming the _Big Dipper_ and _Cassiopeia_.

“You okay?” he finally asks.

Sebastian takes another sip. “Adam and I broke up.”

He’s stunned into silence. Sebastian had told him that Adam had extended his stay in London for a pre-university summer course and that the long distance had started to cause tensions between the two. But he never once thought it could cause a break up.

He turns to look at Sebastian; there’s a pronounced slouch to his friend’s shoulders, like it’s straining under the weight of sadness. And the bright gleam in Sebastian’s green eyes that mirror the stars are absent.

Suddenly, he feels himself fuming, anger burning hot like the sun. He hates seeing Sebastian so sad. How can Adam do this?

He scoffs. “Sucks to be him.”

“What?”

He gulps the last few drops of his beer and tears his eyes away from the sky.

“He’s an idiot if he broke up with you.”

“You don’t know him,” Sebastian says, catching his eye.

He’s taken aback by Sebastian’s response and it makes him angrier. How can Sebastian still defend Adam?

“I know he’s a selfish jerk who put some theatre course all the way in London before you,” he says, his voice almost yelling.

When Sebastian doesn’t say anything, he continues to list all the things he’s disliked about Adam, fuelled by a bottle of beer and his own affections for Sebastian.

He’s out of breath when he finally runs out things to say. It feels good to let it all out, to let it float off his chest and out into the universe.  But then he starts to panic a little when he sees Sebastian’s expression; his friend is livid.

“Blaine, are you drunk?” Sebastian asks as he rises to his feet.

He strains his neck to follow his friend’s towering frame, confused by Sebastian’s anger and irritation. He tries to speak but he’s tongue-tied; a contrast to a minute ago when he had been listing all of Adam’s shortcomings.

“ _Drunk_ is the only explanation I can think of as to why you would say all those things about Adam.” It’s Sebastian who’s almost yelling now.

“I’m not drunk,” he counters.

“Great, so all this time, you hanging out with me and Adam, that was just for show?” Sebastian asks. “So you’ve just been hating Adam all along-”

“I don’t hate Adam.”

“Then why would you say all those things if-”

“Because I was jealous!” he yells.

He sees the surprise on Sebastian’s face. Of course Sebastian’s oblivious to his harboured feelings; he’s _just_ a friend, a nobody next to Adam.

But he’s said too much already, there’s no turning back now. He may as well confess.

Slowly, he stands up and meets Sebastian’s eyes.

“I was jealous of Adam- I’ve always been,” he confides. “I would be jealous of anyone you loved.”

There on the roof with the stars as their witness, he finally bears his heart in those few words. He holds Sebastian’s gaze and hopes his friend hears it all, his confession of _I love you, I’ve always been in love with you_. But if by some chance his meaning’s lost amongst the stars, he’ll say it out loud anyway:

“Sebastian, I’m in lo-”

“Don’t-” Sebastian cuts in, dashing the intended confession. “Don’t finish that sentence.”

There’s a crushing weight upon his heart. He sucks in the sweet summer air but it gets lodged in his chest; he can’t breathe.

Silence hangs heavy around them. Sebastian evades his eyes and focuses his attention on the stars above instead. Regret starts to fester within. He shouldn’t have said anything- he shouldn’t have let his feelings for his friend to blind him; even broken up, Adam still burns bright in Sebastian’s heart. His confession couldn’t have come at a worse time.

“I need time to think,” Sebastian says, finally breaking the silence. But he doesn’t turn to look at him and it breaks his heart a little. Sebastian’s his best friend and now he can’t even look at him.

He descends the trellis in silence. He’s afraid to bid his friend good night; afraid that it’d be too much like goodbye. Could his confession cost him his friendship with Sebastian?

He forgoes dinner despite his mother’s protests and climbs the stairs to his room with a heavy heart. He settles in the bay window seat, it’s his favourite place in the whole house, his safe place. Drawing back the sheer curtains, he gazes up at the stars. A small smile tugs at the corners of his mouth when his eyes easily finds _Polaris_ shining the brightest against the dark sky but it quickly falters when he sees Sebastian, standing alone on the roof- he’s so beautiful.

There’s an ache that tugs in his stomach. The slouch of his friend’s shoulders is more pronounced now than it was earlier. Could he have been the cause of it?

Suddenly, a flash of bright light in the sky catches his eye; a falling star. He closes his eyes, the way he and Sebastian had done when they were younger, and made a wish:

He wishes with all his might that he could go back in time and hold his tongue, to never profess his feelings. If he gets to keep Sebastian in his life, he would gladly stay silent and learn to be happy just loving Sebastian from afar the way he’s loved the stars.

\---END

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading.  
> Comments welcomed.


End file.
